I stood looking at myself in the bathroom mirror this morning… disgusted. My heart was breaking and the longer I looked the more it broke, until I could look no longer, I had to look away. “Please help me”, those words kept ringing in my ears. I could not shut them out. Those eyes, black and despairing, kept staring at me out from under the tattered blanket… “please help me… please help me… please help…” I had not recognized Him – how was that possible?
I was enjoying an evening out with friends in a local eatery last evening. The day had been a day like any other. Church in the morning, casual conversation with friends, knowing my Lord was with me and enjoying His company. As the night was drawing to a close and everyone had left the establishment I was the last out the door. The moment I exited I found myself face to face with a women covered in a worn and dirty blanket. She stared at me for just a moment with hollow black eyes then she said, “Please help me”. Those were the only words that left her lips… “Please help me”. As she continued to look into my eyes I turned my face away and muttered, “Not tonight”.
What a horrible thing to say. What a cold and callused thing to do. A chill ran through me as the words left my lips and I was horrified… but I crossed the street and walked away from her. Even now, as I think about it, tears are coming again.
As I reached my car not 10 seconds later I knew I had to do something. I looked back to find her and she was gone. My eyes went in all directions but I could not find her, she was just gone. I got in my car and told my passengers what had happened. I explained that I needed to help but as we pulled away from the curb and continued to look for her she was not to be found.
I drove off but could not get the incident out of my mind. I thought about her all the way home. All the different possible responses I should have given kept screaming in my head. I should have taken her back into the establishment and bought her a dinner and paid for her to stay in out of the cold for at least a few hours. How hard would that have been? Why didn’t I do at least that? How could I walk away? Am I nothing more than a Pharisee, crossing the road to avoid the injured Samaritan? Do I serve my Lord merely in word with no action? I profess He lives within me, how could I walk away from JESUS so easily?!!
There it was… How could I just walk right past Jesus and not stop to help? What had I done? “What you do unto the least of these you do as unto Me” Jesus stood on that cold, dark sidewalk last night covered in nothing more than a dirty, worn blanket, looked into my eyes and pleaded for help. I walked away!!! How could I do that?
Oh what a retched man am I. That is all I can think right now. A dear and loving friend has already told me Jesus does not shame. I love my friend for that and I know it to be true. But my heart is broken. I am profoundly sad right now. This is something Jesus and I must and will work out. Oh what a hard lesson He has for me.
I love you Jesus and I am so so heartfully sorry.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
A Quiet Ride Home
August 13, 2010
10:00 pm
I just returned home after spending the evening with my friend. He told me he is going to die soon… 6 to 12 months are his doctors’ best guess… nothing they can do.
Things were quiet during the car ride home. I’m not quite sure I know how I feel about this whole thing. That thought kept playing over and over in my mind… it still does. How should I feel… how do I feel… how will I feel… is any of it appropriate… is there such a thing as “appropriate” at a time such as this?
This is a singularly special relationship I share with this man. No better or worse than similar relationships I share with other Christian brothers; but this is a longer relationship, that has passed through many varied stages, and is currently in a very different place than I ever anticipated at the beginning. I have come to love this man through the years we shared.
We sat tonight and we talked. We were choked up at times and we laughed at times. He told me of his “bucket list” and how he hoped it would play out. He spoke of returning to his homeland across the sea and visiting one last time with his parents to say good-bye. He talked of visiting his favorite mountains in Utah and seeing the slopes he so loved to ski. He talked mostly of spending time with his friends and loved ones, as much time as possible.
I sensed a predictable sadness in him, as any person would experience when being separated from all that he knows and loves without a choice. Yet there was neither fear nor anger. He spoke of being the lucky one. The one who would be with Jesus, waiting for the rest of us to get there. He spoke of giving his entire life to the Lord five years ago and that it is the Lord’s to do with as He wills.
I know all this to be true and I am inspired. I am so proud of him and happy for him and sad for him and heart broken for me and… I don’t know what. My life has been touched by death many times in the past several years. It is never easy, it is sometimes very sad. I don’t want to say what you expect me to say, or what I expect me to say. I don’t want to feel what I’m expected to feel. This time is different… I’m not sure how… yet.
10:00 pm
I just returned home after spending the evening with my friend. He told me he is going to die soon… 6 to 12 months are his doctors’ best guess… nothing they can do.
Things were quiet during the car ride home. I’m not quite sure I know how I feel about this whole thing. That thought kept playing over and over in my mind… it still does. How should I feel… how do I feel… how will I feel… is any of it appropriate… is there such a thing as “appropriate” at a time such as this?
This is a singularly special relationship I share with this man. No better or worse than similar relationships I share with other Christian brothers; but this is a longer relationship, that has passed through many varied stages, and is currently in a very different place than I ever anticipated at the beginning. I have come to love this man through the years we shared.
We sat tonight and we talked. We were choked up at times and we laughed at times. He told me of his “bucket list” and how he hoped it would play out. He spoke of returning to his homeland across the sea and visiting one last time with his parents to say good-bye. He talked of visiting his favorite mountains in Utah and seeing the slopes he so loved to ski. He talked mostly of spending time with his friends and loved ones, as much time as possible.
I sensed a predictable sadness in him, as any person would experience when being separated from all that he knows and loves without a choice. Yet there was neither fear nor anger. He spoke of being the lucky one. The one who would be with Jesus, waiting for the rest of us to get there. He spoke of giving his entire life to the Lord five years ago and that it is the Lord’s to do with as He wills.
I know all this to be true and I am inspired. I am so proud of him and happy for him and sad for him and heart broken for me and… I don’t know what. My life has been touched by death many times in the past several years. It is never easy, it is sometimes very sad. I don’t want to say what you expect me to say, or what I expect me to say. I don’t want to feel what I’m expected to feel. This time is different… I’m not sure how… yet.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Lucky boy - Happy Fathers Day Dad
Yesterday was Fathers Day 2010.
Another one has come and gone... number 57 in my lifetime.
There are actually very few days that go by I don't think, at least in passing, about the man God gave me as my father. I have considered many times how lucky I am to have been blessed with him as my dad. It is impossible to tell you how and why I feel this way. There is no way to relate 57 years of life into words with any accuracy, without taking 57 years to tell the story. Neither you nor I have the time for that. So you just have to take me at my word when I tell you my dad was the perfect dad.
I don't mean to say he was a perfect man. He was a man, like any other man, with all of his human flaws. But for me - for this boy - he was the perfect dad. He was exactly the man God new I needed to become a man myself. He was the perfect combination of strength, gentleness, humor, passion, love and caring. But above all else, his most important and endearing quality was the unrestrained passion with which he loved my mother. There was never a moment in our lives that my siblings and I ever questioned that love. It was obvious and out in the open for all to see every day of his life. I can't begin to explain how critical that one quality is for a boy to grow into a proper man... the man he was intended to be.
I read an article the other day by a man that felt the same way about his dad as I do. He talked at length about the wonderful years he spent with his dad and how much he misses him now that he is gone. He talked about the great sadness he feels sometimes at the loss of this great man. But... I like the way he ended his article... it quite made the point. So I will conclude this writing with an excerpt from that article.
"So here's the uplifting part: It's okay to feel this pain. In fact, when you've been as lucky as I was in the father department, it would be an outrage not to cry. You can't have an up without a down, a right without a left, an back without a front - or a happy without some sad. This is the price you pay for having a great father. You get the wonder, the joy, the tender moments - and you get the tears at the end too."
Happy Fathers Day dad.
I miss you, I appreciate you, I love you.
Another one has come and gone... number 57 in my lifetime.
There are actually very few days that go by I don't think, at least in passing, about the man God gave me as my father. I have considered many times how lucky I am to have been blessed with him as my dad. It is impossible to tell you how and why I feel this way. There is no way to relate 57 years of life into words with any accuracy, without taking 57 years to tell the story. Neither you nor I have the time for that. So you just have to take me at my word when I tell you my dad was the perfect dad.
I don't mean to say he was a perfect man. He was a man, like any other man, with all of his human flaws. But for me - for this boy - he was the perfect dad. He was exactly the man God new I needed to become a man myself. He was the perfect combination of strength, gentleness, humor, passion, love and caring. But above all else, his most important and endearing quality was the unrestrained passion with which he loved my mother. There was never a moment in our lives that my siblings and I ever questioned that love. It was obvious and out in the open for all to see every day of his life. I can't begin to explain how critical that one quality is for a boy to grow into a proper man... the man he was intended to be.
I read an article the other day by a man that felt the same way about his dad as I do. He talked at length about the wonderful years he spent with his dad and how much he misses him now that he is gone. He talked about the great sadness he feels sometimes at the loss of this great man. But... I like the way he ended his article... it quite made the point. So I will conclude this writing with an excerpt from that article.
"So here's the uplifting part: It's okay to feel this pain. In fact, when you've been as lucky as I was in the father department, it would be an outrage not to cry. You can't have an up without a down, a right without a left, an back without a front - or a happy without some sad. This is the price you pay for having a great father. You get the wonder, the joy, the tender moments - and you get the tears at the end too."
Happy Fathers Day dad.
I miss you, I appreciate you, I love you.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
I supped with Jesus
Last night was a wonderful night. The weather was warm and the sky was clear. The air was filled with the beautiful fragrance of fallen leaves. The country far to the east of Cleveland was dressed in its finest Fall regalia.
But best of all… last night I had dinner with Jesus.
Yes I did, I had an absolutely wonderful dinner with Jesus last night. We sat around the table and enjoyed a sumptuous meal fit for a king. The colors and smells and flavors of the meal were truly fantastic. We dined on a perfectly prepared roast beast accompanied by exquisite broiled Portabella mushroom caps and the finest mixture of broccoli and cauliflower, as well as plump baked potatoes and a marvelous Yorkshire pudding.
The conversation was light, effortless and quite enjoyable. We talked about many varied things, some serious – and many not so serious. There was many a laugh to be had. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment, every word and every bite.
After the meal was completed, and we were filled to bursting, we retired to the sitting room. We lounged and sipped coffee and continued our pleasant conversation. We talked about life - in the past, present and future. We laughed, we debated, we agreed and sometimes disagreed; but mostly - we loved. Oh yes indeed, we loved.
You cannot have dinner with Jesus and not love. It’s impossible.
Thank you Jesus.
But best of all… last night I had dinner with Jesus.
Yes I did, I had an absolutely wonderful dinner with Jesus last night. We sat around the table and enjoyed a sumptuous meal fit for a king. The colors and smells and flavors of the meal were truly fantastic. We dined on a perfectly prepared roast beast accompanied by exquisite broiled Portabella mushroom caps and the finest mixture of broccoli and cauliflower, as well as plump baked potatoes and a marvelous Yorkshire pudding.
The conversation was light, effortless and quite enjoyable. We talked about many varied things, some serious – and many not so serious. There was many a laugh to be had. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment, every word and every bite.
After the meal was completed, and we were filled to bursting, we retired to the sitting room. We lounged and sipped coffee and continued our pleasant conversation. We talked about life - in the past, present and future. We laughed, we debated, we agreed and sometimes disagreed; but mostly - we loved. Oh yes indeed, we loved.
You cannot have dinner with Jesus and not love. It’s impossible.
Thank you Jesus.
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Faith
Faith
This much I know:
God does not wrong us here,
Though oft His judgments seem severe
And reason falters 'neath the blow,
Some day we'll learn 'twas better so.
So oft I've erred
In trifling matters of my own concern;
So oft I've blundered at the simplest turn,
Chosen the false path or the foolish word
That what I call my judgment seems absurd.
My puny reason cries
Against the bitter and the cruel blows,
Measuring the large world by the inch it knows,
Seeing all joy and pain through selfish eyes,
Not knowing hurt and suffering may be wise.
But I have come to see,
So vast God's love, so infinite His plan
That it is well it was not left to man
To alter or to say what is to be,
When reason failed, faith also then would flee.
God knoweth best!
Through the black night and agony of grief
Faith whispers low: "Hold fast to your belief!
In time His purpose He shall manifest,
Then shall you learn how greatly you were blest."
- Edgar Guest
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Romans - Chapter 8
Romans 8 (New International Version)
Life Through the Spirit
There is no longer any condemnation for those who are in Christ. The Spirit has set them free from the law. The law could not free us because of mans inherent “sin nature”. God freed us by sending Jesus in the same likeness as sinful man to be the perfect sacrifice. Thereby paying the required price once and for all. Now and forever more, the requirements of the law have been fully met for those who live according to the Spirit (Sanctified believers).
Romans 8:1-4
1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,
2 because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. 3 For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, 4 in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.
When we lived by our “sin nature” we desired only sinful things. We were possessed by that nature and it sinned through us – we had no control. When we are filled (indwelt) by the Holy Spirit our minds are set on the things of the Spirit. The sin nature no longer has control. The Spirit lives through us. The sin nature is hostile to God and will not submit to His law. If we are controlled by our sin nature we cannot please God.
Romans 8:5-8
5 Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6 The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; 7 the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. 8 Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.
You are not controlled by the “sin nature” if the Spirit of God lives in you. If you are indwelt by the Holy Spirit your body is dead because of sin, but your spirit is alive because of righteousness. If the Spirit of God is living in you, than just as Christ died to abolish all sin and was raised again from the dead in righteousness and glory; so we have died to our “sin nature” to be raised again in righteousness by the power of His Spirit.
Romans 8:9-11
9 You however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. 10 But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. 11 And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit, who lives in you.
We are no longer obligated to the “sin nature”. By the power of the Spirit that lives within us we have put to death those sinful desires. We have no reason to fear any longer. We are now sons of God. The Spirit living within us testifies we are God’s children. By that we are co-heirs with Christ. We shall share in His glory.
Romans 8:12-17
12 Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation - but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. 13 For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live,14 because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
Life Through the Spirit
There is no longer any condemnation for those who are in Christ. The Spirit has set them free from the law. The law could not free us because of mans inherent “sin nature”. God freed us by sending Jesus in the same likeness as sinful man to be the perfect sacrifice. Thereby paying the required price once and for all. Now and forever more, the requirements of the law have been fully met for those who live according to the Spirit (Sanctified believers).
Romans 8:1-4
1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,
2 because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. 3 For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, 4 in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.
When we lived by our “sin nature” we desired only sinful things. We were possessed by that nature and it sinned through us – we had no control. When we are filled (indwelt) by the Holy Spirit our minds are set on the things of the Spirit. The sin nature no longer has control. The Spirit lives through us. The sin nature is hostile to God and will not submit to His law. If we are controlled by our sin nature we cannot please God.
Romans 8:5-8
5 Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6 The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; 7 the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. 8 Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.
You are not controlled by the “sin nature” if the Spirit of God lives in you. If you are indwelt by the Holy Spirit your body is dead because of sin, but your spirit is alive because of righteousness. If the Spirit of God is living in you, than just as Christ died to abolish all sin and was raised again from the dead in righteousness and glory; so we have died to our “sin nature” to be raised again in righteousness by the power of His Spirit.
Romans 8:9-11
9 You however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. 10 But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. 11 And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit, who lives in you.
We are no longer obligated to the “sin nature”. By the power of the Spirit that lives within us we have put to death those sinful desires. We have no reason to fear any longer. We are now sons of God. The Spirit living within us testifies we are God’s children. By that we are co-heirs with Christ. We shall share in His glory.
Romans 8:12-17
12 Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation - but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. 13 For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live,14 because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Romans - Chapter 7
Romans 7 (New International Version)
An Illustration From Marriage
The law has authority over a man only for as long as he lives in the “sin nature” (the Adamic nature) of his original birth.
Romans 7:1-3
1 Do you not know, brothers—for I am speaking to men who know the law—that the law has authority over a man only as long as he lives? 2 For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. 3 So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.
But, we now have died to the law. Through the sacrifice of Christ we no longer belong to the sin nature of our original birth. We now belong to Jesus Christ, so that we may glorify God. When we lived by our “sin nature” the sinful passions that were identified by the law were at work in us. By dying to what once bound us we have been released from the law. We now live by the Spirit not the written code.
Romans 7:4-6
4 So, my brothers, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit to God. 5 For when we were controlled by the sinful nature, the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in our bodies, so that we bore fruit for death. 6 But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.
Struggling With Sin
Paul asks another curious question. “Is the law sin?” Of course not! The law was created so that we could identify sin. We would not know the true gravity of coveting if the law had not said, “Do not covet”. Sin seized the opportunity afforded it by the law and produced all sorts of sinful desires. “Apart from law, sin is dead”. When the commandments came sin sprang to life. The laws intended to save me - killed me.
Romans 7:7-10
7 What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, "Do not covet." 8 But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire. For apart from law, sin is dead. 9 Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. 10 I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death.
The law is holy; the commandments are holy – what is their purpose? How can something that is good cause death to me? The law (which is good) came solely for the purpose that sin might be recognized as sin.
Romans 7:11-13
11 For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. 12 So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good. 13 Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.
The law is spiritual, but I am sinful. As a slave to sin, I don’t even understand why I do what I do. I realize what is the right thing to do and I want to do it but I can’t help myself. My sin nature has control of me. I do the wrong thing anyway. I end up doing what I know is wrong, that which I never wanted to do to begin with. As convoluted as this may seem, consider the fact that if I understand that what I’m doing is the wrong thing to do, but I do it anyway, I at least admit that the law is good. For the law identified the sin to begin with. It was my sinful nature that ignored the warning. It is as if I am possessed by another entity. Something inside of me has control of me and is forcing me to do that which I know is sinful. I know that nothing good lives inside of me. I am filled with and controlled by the “sin nature” I was born with. I have the desire to do only that which is good, but I continue to do only that which is sinful. It is not I doing it; it is sin living inside of me.
Romans 7:14-20
14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.
17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So Paul concludes at the end of his argument, I recognize good and I want to do good, but at the same time evil is right there within me. Even though I delight in God’s law, another force, more powerful than I, is at work controlling me, making me a prisoner to sin. I am absolutely miserable, wretched, as a result of this situation. I am trapped and I cannot save myself. Who can and will rescue me from this terrible situation? God will, that’s who. God will rescue me through his son Jesus Christ.
In conclusion: In my mind I know, understand, and desire to live by God’s law, but as a result of my sin nature, and it’s control over me, I cannot help but sin.
Romans 7:21-25
21 So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23 but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
WOW!!!
This is a real nail-biter.
Hold on, the best part is coming.
Wait for it... Wait for it...
Chapter 8 is coming...
An Illustration From Marriage
The law has authority over a man only for as long as he lives in the “sin nature” (the Adamic nature) of his original birth.
Romans 7:1-3
1 Do you not know, brothers—for I am speaking to men who know the law—that the law has authority over a man only as long as he lives? 2 For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. 3 So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.
But, we now have died to the law. Through the sacrifice of Christ we no longer belong to the sin nature of our original birth. We now belong to Jesus Christ, so that we may glorify God. When we lived by our “sin nature” the sinful passions that were identified by the law were at work in us. By dying to what once bound us we have been released from the law. We now live by the Spirit not the written code.
Romans 7:4-6
4 So, my brothers, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit to God. 5 For when we were controlled by the sinful nature, the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in our bodies, so that we bore fruit for death. 6 But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.
Struggling With Sin
Paul asks another curious question. “Is the law sin?” Of course not! The law was created so that we could identify sin. We would not know the true gravity of coveting if the law had not said, “Do not covet”. Sin seized the opportunity afforded it by the law and produced all sorts of sinful desires. “Apart from law, sin is dead”. When the commandments came sin sprang to life. The laws intended to save me - killed me.
Romans 7:7-10
7 What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, "Do not covet." 8 But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire. For apart from law, sin is dead. 9 Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. 10 I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death.
The law is holy; the commandments are holy – what is their purpose? How can something that is good cause death to me? The law (which is good) came solely for the purpose that sin might be recognized as sin.
Romans 7:11-13
11 For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. 12 So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good. 13 Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.
The law is spiritual, but I am sinful. As a slave to sin, I don’t even understand why I do what I do. I realize what is the right thing to do and I want to do it but I can’t help myself. My sin nature has control of me. I do the wrong thing anyway. I end up doing what I know is wrong, that which I never wanted to do to begin with. As convoluted as this may seem, consider the fact that if I understand that what I’m doing is the wrong thing to do, but I do it anyway, I at least admit that the law is good. For the law identified the sin to begin with. It was my sinful nature that ignored the warning. It is as if I am possessed by another entity. Something inside of me has control of me and is forcing me to do that which I know is sinful. I know that nothing good lives inside of me. I am filled with and controlled by the “sin nature” I was born with. I have the desire to do only that which is good, but I continue to do only that which is sinful. It is not I doing it; it is sin living inside of me.
Romans 7:14-20
14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.
17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So Paul concludes at the end of his argument, I recognize good and I want to do good, but at the same time evil is right there within me. Even though I delight in God’s law, another force, more powerful than I, is at work controlling me, making me a prisoner to sin. I am absolutely miserable, wretched, as a result of this situation. I am trapped and I cannot save myself. Who can and will rescue me from this terrible situation? God will, that’s who. God will rescue me through his son Jesus Christ.
In conclusion: In my mind I know, understand, and desire to live by God’s law, but as a result of my sin nature, and it’s control over me, I cannot help but sin.
Romans 7:21-25
21 So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23 but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
WOW!!!
This is a real nail-biter.
Hold on, the best part is coming.
Wait for it... Wait for it...
Chapter 8 is coming...
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Romans - Chapter 6
Romans 6 (New International Version)
Dead to Sin, Alive in Christ
OK, so Paul says the law was given to identify sin, there-bye increasing sin, and there-bye increasing grace. Does that mean we can and should keep on sinning? NO, absolutely not! As believers we died with Christ and in doing so we died to sin. Through Christ’s resurrection we may live a new sinless life.
Romans 6:1-4
1 What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?
2 By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? 3 Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.
United with him in his death means united with him in his resurrection. Our old self, born with its sin nature, was crucified and is done away with. We are no longer slaves to sin. Anyone who has died is free from sin.
Romans 6:5-7
5 If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. 6 For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— 7 because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.
We are now dead to sin. Sin shall no longer reign in our mortal bodies. We have been brought from death to life. Sin is no longer your master. You are no longer under law but under grace.
Romans 6:11-14
11 In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13 Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. 14 For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.
***AND NOW MY FAVORITE PART...
Slaves to Righteousness
OK, than Paul says should we keep on sinning because we are no longer under the law? NO, of course not!!! Don’t you realize you are a slave to whomever you obey? Whether it is slavery to sin (death) or slavery to obedience (righteousness). Even though we were slaves to sin we are no longer. We have been set free from sin! Through Christ we have become slaves to righteousness.
Now that we have been set free from sin we have become slaves to God, which leads us to holiness.
Romans 6:15-18
15 What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! 16 Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17 But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. 18 You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.
Romans 6:22
22But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.
Dead to Sin, Alive in Christ
OK, so Paul says the law was given to identify sin, there-bye increasing sin, and there-bye increasing grace. Does that mean we can and should keep on sinning? NO, absolutely not! As believers we died with Christ and in doing so we died to sin. Through Christ’s resurrection we may live a new sinless life.
Romans 6:1-4
1 What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?
2 By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? 3 Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.
United with him in his death means united with him in his resurrection. Our old self, born with its sin nature, was crucified and is done away with. We are no longer slaves to sin. Anyone who has died is free from sin.
Romans 6:5-7
5 If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. 6 For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— 7 because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.
We are now dead to sin. Sin shall no longer reign in our mortal bodies. We have been brought from death to life. Sin is no longer your master. You are no longer under law but under grace.
Romans 6:11-14
11 In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13 Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. 14 For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.
***AND NOW MY FAVORITE PART...
Slaves to Righteousness
OK, than Paul says should we keep on sinning because we are no longer under the law? NO, of course not!!! Don’t you realize you are a slave to whomever you obey? Whether it is slavery to sin (death) or slavery to obedience (righteousness). Even though we were slaves to sin we are no longer. We have been set free from sin! Through Christ we have become slaves to righteousness.
Now that we have been set free from sin we have become slaves to God, which leads us to holiness.
Romans 6:15-18
15 What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! 16 Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17 But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. 18 You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.
Romans 6:22
22But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.
Friday, June 05, 2009
Romans - Chapter 5
Romans 5 (New International Version)
Death Through Adam, Life Through Christ
Sin entered the world through Adam. Therefore sin was in the world before there was any law. Sin is not taken into account when there is no law, so as a result of man’s ignorance the law had to be given in order that man would be able to identify sin.
Romans 5:12-13
12 Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned— 13 for before the law was given, sin was in the world. But sin is not taken into account when there is no law.
Through the disobedience of one man (Adam) all men were made sinners. Through the obedience of one man (Jesus Christ) all men can be made righteous. It was the action of Adam that made us sinners and the action of Christ that will make us clean – we can do none of it ourselves.
Romans 5:18-19
18 Consequently, just as the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men. 19 For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.
The law was given so that what would occur naturally as a result of man’s sin nature would be identifiable as sin and therefore increase. Knowing that where sin increases, grace increases even more. The purpose of the law is to identify sin. It was never intended to be a set of rules by which man could save himself. If that were even possible what purpose would Christ’s death have served?
Romans 5:20
20 The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more…
Death Through Adam, Life Through Christ
Sin entered the world through Adam. Therefore sin was in the world before there was any law. Sin is not taken into account when there is no law, so as a result of man’s ignorance the law had to be given in order that man would be able to identify sin.
Romans 5:12-13
12 Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned— 13 for before the law was given, sin was in the world. But sin is not taken into account when there is no law.
Through the disobedience of one man (Adam) all men were made sinners. Through the obedience of one man (Jesus Christ) all men can be made righteous. It was the action of Adam that made us sinners and the action of Christ that will make us clean – we can do none of it ourselves.
Romans 5:18-19
18 Consequently, just as the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men. 19 For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.
The law was given so that what would occur naturally as a result of man’s sin nature would be identifiable as sin and therefore increase. Knowing that where sin increases, grace increases even more. The purpose of the law is to identify sin. It was never intended to be a set of rules by which man could save himself. If that were even possible what purpose would Christ’s death have served?
Romans 5:20
20 The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more…
Monday, June 01, 2009
Romans - Chapter 4
Romans 4 (New International Version)
Abraham Justified by Faith
To be justified by following the law is to be justified by works. For it is only by ones own effort that you can live by the law. If you are justified by following the law (as the Pharisees believed) then you have attained righteousness by your own effort. This leads nowhere but to pride and boasting. But, if a man is justified righteous by faith alone, God deserves and receives all the glory. For man has done nothing in and of himself to earn any praise.
Romans 4:2-5
2 If, in fact, Abraham was justified by works, he had something to boast about—but not before God. 3 What does the Scripture say? "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness."
4 Now when a man works, his wages are not credited to him as a gift, but as an obligation. 5 However, to the man who does not work but trusts God who justifies the wicked, his faith is credited as righteousness.
Abraham did not receive the promise of God through the law, but by the righteousness that comes by faith. If the law is the answer than faith has no value and the promise is worthless. Law brings wrath. No law results in no transgression.
Romans 4:13-15
13 It was not through law that Abraham and his offspring received the promise that he would be heir of the world, but through the righteousness that comes by faith. 14 For if those who live by law are heirs, faith has no value and the promise is worthless, 15 because law brings wrath. And where there is no law there is no transgression.
Abraham Justified by Faith
To be justified by following the law is to be justified by works. For it is only by ones own effort that you can live by the law. If you are justified by following the law (as the Pharisees believed) then you have attained righteousness by your own effort. This leads nowhere but to pride and boasting. But, if a man is justified righteous by faith alone, God deserves and receives all the glory. For man has done nothing in and of himself to earn any praise.
Romans 4:2-5
2 If, in fact, Abraham was justified by works, he had something to boast about—but not before God. 3 What does the Scripture say? "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness."
4 Now when a man works, his wages are not credited to him as a gift, but as an obligation. 5 However, to the man who does not work but trusts God who justifies the wicked, his faith is credited as righteousness.
Abraham did not receive the promise of God through the law, but by the righteousness that comes by faith. If the law is the answer than faith has no value and the promise is worthless. Law brings wrath. No law results in no transgression.
Romans 4:13-15
13 It was not through law that Abraham and his offspring received the promise that he would be heir of the world, but through the righteousness that comes by faith. 14 For if those who live by law are heirs, faith has no value and the promise is worthless, 15 because law brings wrath. And where there is no law there is no transgression.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Romans - Chapter 3
Romans 3 (New International Version)
No One is Righteous
We cannot attain righteousness by observing the law. The law was never created for that purpose. The only purpose for the law was to make man “conscious of sin”. In the garden man became aware of the existence of good and evil. However, man was never given the ability to distinguish between the two. We are fully aware the two of them exist, we just don’t know which one is which. We constantly confuse them; identifying one as the other, convinced we know better. But we do not, and we can not. Man will always remain ignorant under the law.
Romans 3:19-20
19Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. 20Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.
Righteousness Through Faith
There is one way and only one way man can be counted as righteous. That way is only by God’s grace through our faith in Jesus Christ. It is wholly apart from the law. It has absolutely nothing to do with the law or the observing of it. We are all sinners and are justified only by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ.
Romans 3:21-25
21But now righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. 22This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.
No room was left for boasting (pride). Man cannot be justified by his own efforts in observing the law. He is justified by grace through faith and faith alone.
Romans 3:27-28
27Where, then, is boasting? It is excluded. On what principle? On that of observing the law? No, but on that of faith. 28For we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from observing the law.
No One is Righteous
We cannot attain righteousness by observing the law. The law was never created for that purpose. The only purpose for the law was to make man “conscious of sin”. In the garden man became aware of the existence of good and evil. However, man was never given the ability to distinguish between the two. We are fully aware the two of them exist, we just don’t know which one is which. We constantly confuse them; identifying one as the other, convinced we know better. But we do not, and we can not. Man will always remain ignorant under the law.
Romans 3:19-20
19Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. 20Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.
Righteousness Through Faith
There is one way and only one way man can be counted as righteous. That way is only by God’s grace through our faith in Jesus Christ. It is wholly apart from the law. It has absolutely nothing to do with the law or the observing of it. We are all sinners and are justified only by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ.
Romans 3:21-25
21But now righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. 22This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.
No room was left for boasting (pride). Man cannot be justified by his own efforts in observing the law. He is justified by grace through faith and faith alone.
Romans 3:27-28
27Where, then, is boasting? It is excluded. On what principle? On that of observing the law? No, but on that of faith. 28For we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from observing the law.
Monday, May 11, 2009
"Love, and do what you want"
"Dilige, et quod vis fac." "Love, and do what you want."
St. Augustine of Hippo
St. Augustine of Hippo
Saint Augustine, in his commentaries on John's Epistles, writes Dilige, et quod vis fac, "Love, and do what you want."
At first sight, this seems a dangerous piece of advice. Numerous, after all, are the wicked things done in the name of "love." Augustine, though, is not talking about cheap, tawdry imitations of love: he is speaking of a love that desires God above all things and chooses the things of God; a love which treats our fellow men and women in the way that God has established, in a way that is subordinate to love of God and which flows from it.
"Him shall He teach in the way He chooses" (Psalm 25:12). At first, we want the awareness of being guided by God. But then as we grow spiritually, we live so fully aware of God that we do not even need to ask what His will is, because the thought of choosing another way will never occur to us. If we are saved and sanctified, God guides us by our everyday choices. And if we are about to choose what He does not want, He will give us a sense of doubt or restraint, which we must heed. Whenever there is doubt, stop at once. Never try to reason it out, saying, "I wonder why I shouldn’t do this?" God instructs us in what we choose; that is, He actually guides our common sense. And when we yield to His teachings and guidance, we no longer hinder His Spirit by continually asking, "Now, Lord, what is Your will?"
- Oswald Chambers
Even noble loves can lose this priority: to the degree that they stray from the love of God, which is identical with His justice and His law, these loves lose the character of love and decay into pride, self-gratification, lust, greed, or the service of idols. To the degree that the love is truly divine charity, to that degree one's will is guided by the Spirit, and he may do as he pleases, knowing that his actions are guided by God's own will. Hence Augustine's command, Dilige, et quod vis fac.”
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
A love afair with God
A love affair with God
I know there are many men who think they know the true meaning of love. Many poets whom through their musings believe they have put it to verse. However, until they have experienced a true love relationship with the Lord they have no accurate point of reference from which they espouse.
One man however is my favorite when it comes to these feeble attempts. I find a sense of joy when I read his lyrics as I meditate upon my relationship with my Lord. I know that these were written to exclaim a love between man and women but I hear a different tune when I read them.
Here are a few that I enjoy in my love affair with God:
"Love sees with the heart and not with mind."
Shakespeare
"For where thou art, there is the world itself, and where though art not, desolation."
"For where thou art, there is the world itself, and where though art not, desolation."
Shakespeare
"Love comforteth like sunshine after rain."
"Love comforteth like sunshine after rain."
Shakespeare
"They do not love that do not show their love."
"They do not love that do not show their love."
Shakespeare
"When you depart from me sorrow abides, and happiness takes his leave."
"When you depart from me sorrow abides, and happiness takes his leave."
Shakespeare
"Love sought is good, but given unsought is better."
"Love sought is good, but given unsought is better."
Shakespeare
"My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite."
"My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite."
Shakespeare
"So long as I can breathe or I can see, so long lives your love which gives life to me."
"So long as I can breathe or I can see, so long lives your love which gives life to me."
Shakespeare
"So dear I love Him that with Him, all deaths I could endure. Without Him, live no life."
Shakespeare
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Measuring Success???
“How do you measure the success in your Christian life?”
“How do you measure your success at Love?” might be a more accurate phrasing of the question.
Living a Christian life is “Loving God”. Christianity at its core, its most fundamental premise, is an “Unconditional Love Relationship” between a man and his Creator. Trusting God to be in your life without fear or doubt, an integral part of your life, to be your life, every moment of every day. Knowing life goes on new and fresh, moment by moment, ever changing. Never being concerned with what will happen next nor how it will affect you because He is always there and He is bigger than all of it.
To measure is to quantify.
To measure success is to quantify performance.
All of which is to evaluate for the purpose of control.
That is why man measures everything. He measures for the most benevolent of reasons, or at least he convinces himself of that fact. He measures and evaluates and assesses and compares against some synthetically established “norm”. How does my performance compare? How does it measure up? Am I successful? Am I better or worse than everyone else, and to what degree? If I can decide where I stand in comparison to the norm I can make adjustments. I can increase or decrease my efforts. I can compensate. If I can determine the answers to these questions I can gain control… or some modicum of control… at least the perception of control. Then, and only then, will I feel better about myself.
What then? What if man determines he only loves 50%, or 75%, or 90%? Is that possible? Moreover, would that be unconditional love? Isn't unconditional love "all or nothing"?
Even more frightening, would it then be possible for God to love us the same way. Is He able to love us 50%, or even 99%? What kind of trouble would we be in if that were true?
“How do you measure your success at Love?” might be a more accurate phrasing of the question.
Living a Christian life is “Loving God”. Christianity at its core, its most fundamental premise, is an “Unconditional Love Relationship” between a man and his Creator. Trusting God to be in your life without fear or doubt, an integral part of your life, to be your life, every moment of every day. Knowing life goes on new and fresh, moment by moment, ever changing. Never being concerned with what will happen next nor how it will affect you because He is always there and He is bigger than all of it.
To measure is to quantify.
To measure success is to quantify performance.
All of which is to evaluate for the purpose of control.
That is why man measures everything. He measures for the most benevolent of reasons, or at least he convinces himself of that fact. He measures and evaluates and assesses and compares against some synthetically established “norm”. How does my performance compare? How does it measure up? Am I successful? Am I better or worse than everyone else, and to what degree? If I can decide where I stand in comparison to the norm I can make adjustments. I can increase or decrease my efforts. I can compensate. If I can determine the answers to these questions I can gain control… or some modicum of control… at least the perception of control. Then, and only then, will I feel better about myself.
What then? What if man determines he only loves 50%, or 75%, or 90%? Is that possible? Moreover, would that be unconditional love? Isn't unconditional love "all or nothing"?
Even more frightening, would it then be possible for God to love us the same way. Is He able to love us 50%, or even 99%? What kind of trouble would we be in if that were true?
Would He have come?
John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."
Thursday, March 19, 2009
God never fails...
The Gideon Advance is done for this year. My heart is filled to overflowing. I have been trying very hard to put my heart into words. This is never easy, for the heart was never intended to function like the mind. It communicates in a very different way – by intent. I don’t seem to be able to find the words to do it justice right now. The Lord is not ready for me to share what is there. Evidently we are still working on it.
The only thing I can write for now is, as usual, Gideon did not disappoint. God met me there… He met us all there. It was inspiring and exciting, subtle yet dramatic, wondrous yet discreet, loving but direct. God is good. God is faithful. God never fails to show me His great love for me.
More when I am free to talk…
The only thing I can write for now is, as usual, Gideon did not disappoint. God met me there… He met us all there. It was inspiring and exciting, subtle yet dramatic, wondrous yet discreet, loving but direct. God is good. God is faithful. God never fails to show me His great love for me.
More when I am free to talk…
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Someone to be Jesus
We All Need Someone to be Jesus
- Jim Robinson
And Jesus was traveling around all the cities and the villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the Gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every malady among the people. Now having seen the crowds, He was moved with compassion concerning them, that they had been distressed and had been dejected, like sheep not having a shepherd. Matthew 9: 35,36
Maddy’s heart seemed to be barely beating.
From the moment I saw her, slouched in a chair in the lobby of my Christian counseling practice, I knew she was very ill. I offered to help her to the couch in my office, but she refused my touch, pulled herself up straight, and followed me into my office.
Words weren’t needed, at least not at first. I could see the bones of her shoulders, arms, ribs, poking through her dirty blouse. By the time her shaking slowed and she caught her breath a bit, she sat still, shoulders hunched, tissues in her withered hand. Apparently only in her early thirties, she looked ancient. She had been abandoned as a small child by her cocaine-addicted mother. She had never known her father. I didn’t get a great deal out of her that first day. Mostly, she watched me, observing.
I’m not exactly sure how Maddy found me, or how she had the money to pay me each week, in cash; she kept this a secret, and I let her. Maybe someone had met her and pitied her, and had chosen to remain an anonymous savior. I honored her wish to keep their identity a mystery. But I knew that whoever this person was on the outside, they were most certainly Christ on the inside.
That first day, I knew Maddy required inpatient treatment. She refused.
“You need medical help right now,” I said. “You’re very sick, and unless you get treatment, you could die.”
“Dyin’ don’t scare me,” she said, and there was hollow truth in her voice, a truth I understood from my own past days of darkness: Addicts aren’t afraid of dying. Addicts are afraid of living.
“If you really want to die, Maddy, then why are you here?”
“I… don’t know. My friend brought me… she said she’d heard…that you could help.” And she stared off into nowhere.
“I want to call a place I know,” I said, “a place where some very good people work. You can go and stay with them, and they’ll take care of you. They really do know how to help you, Maddy. Will you let me call them for you?”
“No. No one can help me.”
“Yes they can,” I said. “They know how to help people like you…”
She winced.
“…and me,” I added.
The difference, all in one tiny word. And what little light was left in her eyes flickered like a not-yet-dead fire, just for an instant, back to life. She looked at me hard and long.
“I… will come back… here,” she said finally. “Only here.”
Maddy first exchanged sex for money when she was in her early teens. She could not recall exactly how the drug addiction began, or when, but over time she grew comfortable enough to speak of her homelessness, her rapid decent into the nightmare of crack cocaine. She did not look at me, but stared past, her bony hands writhing in her lap like warring spiders. Her voice droned as if she were recounting a tragic event that had happened to a complete stranger, her voice coming from a place within and yet separate from her. She told of her first time using the drug, and how everything had changed, all at once, and days and nights blurred together, and she sat in a darkened, filthy room and smoked till it was gone, then worked the streets again so her pimp would give her more. Night after night she huddled over her shrine of shame and worshipped, and time slipped away untouched and unwanted. Maddy had been snared, and drawn into the iniquitous and swift destruction of addiction, prostitution, darkness, and inevitable spiritual death.
Maddy always showed up for our sessions on time. She would shuffle in, gray and hollow-cheeked, and listen intently as I spoke. Slowly, she offered more tragic information. Born into a world of darkness, she had never known feelings beyond fear and shame. She had never been nurtured, never loved; she had been beaten and sexually abused, somehow surviving on the street in the graceless universe of chaos and addiction and violence and loveless love.
As far as Maddy could recall, her mother had also been a prostitute; one night she went out, and never came back. The biological father had apparently been black, and Maddy’s skin was the color of honey. She had a thin scar running from her left temple to the bottom of her cheek, drawn on a face so weary it was difficult to see much of the pretty girl she had once been. But she was in there. She was still in there.
For several weeks she never shed one tear, never laughed. Sorrow had beaten and numbed her. I knew, too, that she was still using; she’d never have been able to detox on her own. But I took a chance. And over time, despite her outward appearance, I began to recognize someone inside. The door would usually only open briefly, then close. Each time we met I attempted to draw one step closer to a frightened and wary little bird… just before she flew away, out of reach.
Still, she kept returning. Something kept her coming back.
One day, Maddy seemed particularly blue and distant. I began worrying that she was losing interest in our relationship, losing hope.
“What’s wrong, Maddy?” I asked.
“Thinking,” she said.
“About what?”
And something crept into a corner of her painted lips. Something resembling a smile. A deep, sad smile. I let her remain silent for what seemed a long time.
“Birthday,” she said at last, and I could barely hear her.
“What?”
“Birthday.” She looked up. “Today is my birthday.”
I sat still, temporarily at a loss for words.
“Today is your birthday?”
“I… think… so,” she said, looking down at her hands. “April second. Not sure what year…” Again, looking up: “Not sure. But April second. Seems like that’s it.”
The ghost of a smile faded. “Anyway, don’t matter, does it? Not even sure how old I am. Don’t matter…”
“How do you feel, Maddy?” I sensed the little bird, tensing for flight.
“Don’t make me feel nothin’,” she said. And the brief spark in her eyes died. “I don’t feel a thing.”
And I knew she was right.
Counselors are supposed to remain emotionally unattached from clients. But Maddy nonetheless played around the edges of my mind a lot during the next week. It wasn’t just my fear of losing her, losing what little connection we had made. Maddy’s slow but sure flight towards death brought things up from within me that I thought had been buried. There emanated from her a kind of haunted and cold wind that brought with it a heart memory, a soul-deep remembering of a time when I, too, found myself barely balanced between seduction and salvation. A knowing: We are all the same, broken. And though some of us might look better or act better on the outside, we are each of us capable — in the blink of an eye, the beat of a heart — of falling.
We need. From the beginning to the end, in need of our Christ. In need of someone to reach out and touch us in our ugly leprosy… and be Jesus to us.
I knew she might run away at any time. I prayed to God for help. I asked that Jesus might use me, to embody His embrace.
Then one night, lying in bed, right out of nowhere, He answered.
The whole thing came in one flash, complete.
The next morning I got up, went into the kitchen, and found the little box my wife kept in a drawer. I took it with me to the office.
At the beginning of our session together, I asked Maddy to wait a moment, and I left the room. She was sitting on the couch, very much alone, when I came in carrying the cupcake. A cupcake, on a saucer. A small pink candle stuck in the white icing, my hand cupped near to keep it from going out. I sat it on the table in front of her.
“Happy birthday, Maddy,” I said.
She looked at the flame. I could see it, just for a moment, reflected in her brown, broken eyes. She looked at me. “What?”
“Happy birthday. A little late.”
“What?” she said again, a whisper, staring back down at the cupcake. Her mouth began to tremble. “I’ve… I’ve never had…”
And the door cracked — and then flew open.
“…anything…”
Her tears began slowly, as if they’d forgotten how to flow. Then, like rain, hard and cleansing rain, violent and beautiful.
And laughter and wailing mixed together, choking on words that wouldn’t come, mixing like raindrops on their way to earth, on their way home.
“I’ve never… had… anything…”
Maddy held out her arms.
Then, finally, she let Jesus hold her.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
"The Lord is with you, mighty warrior"
I go to Gideon as a man. I go in my frailty, my brokenness, my humanity... I go as a man. Yet, I go as a man, with my Lord, expecting to meet my Lord. I go with the "perfect love" Jesus spoke of in Matthew 5:43-48, "Be perfect, therefore, as your Heavenly Father is perfect". I go with the love Paul spoke of in Romans 12:9-21 "Love must be sincere". I go with the love Augustine spoke of when he said, "Love, and do as you want".
The power of the Lord is with me in that love.
The Lord sees me and calls me by a new name, "Mighty Warrior".
I fear not my weakness, for God is with me.
I go in the strength I have, for God sends me.
I build an alter to the Lord and it shall be called "The Lord is Peace".
Judges 6:11-24
11 The angel of the LORD came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, where his son Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites. 12 When the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon, he said, "The LORD is with you, mighty warrior."
13 "But sir," Gideon replied, "if the LORD is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our fathers told us about when they said, 'Did not the LORD bring us up out of Egypt?' But now the LORD has abandoned us and put us into the hand of Midian."
14 The LORD turned to him and said, "Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?"
15 "But Lord, " Gideon asked, "how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family."
16 The LORD answered, "I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites together."
17 Gideon replied, "If now I have found favor in your eyes, give me a sign that it is really you talking to me. 18 Please do not go away until I come back and bring my offering and set it before you." And the LORD said, "I will wait until you return."
19 Gideon went in, prepared a young goat, and from an ephah of flour he made bread without yeast. Putting the meat in a basket and its broth in a pot, he brought them out and offered them to him under the oak.
20 The angel of God said to him, "Take the meat and the unleavened bread, place them on this rock, and pour out the broth." And Gideon did so. 21 With the tip of the staff that was in his hand, the angel of the LORD touched the meat and the unleavened bread. Fire flared from the rock, consuming the meat and the bread. And the angel of the LORD disappeared. 22 When Gideon realized that it was the angel of the LORD, he exclaimed, "Ah, Sovereign LORD! I have seen the angel of the LORD face to face!"
23 But the LORD said to him, "Peace! Do not be afraid. You are not going to die." 24 So Gideon built an altar to the LORD there and called it The LORD is Peace.
The power of the Lord is with me in that love.
The Lord sees me and calls me by a new name, "Mighty Warrior".
I fear not my weakness, for God is with me.
I go in the strength I have, for God sends me.
I build an alter to the Lord and it shall be called "The Lord is Peace".
Judges 6:11-24
11 The angel of the LORD came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, where his son Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites. 12 When the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon, he said, "The LORD is with you, mighty warrior."
13 "But sir," Gideon replied, "if the LORD is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our fathers told us about when they said, 'Did not the LORD bring us up out of Egypt?' But now the LORD has abandoned us and put us into the hand of Midian."
14 The LORD turned to him and said, "Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?"
15 "But Lord, " Gideon asked, "how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family."
16 The LORD answered, "I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites together."
17 Gideon replied, "If now I have found favor in your eyes, give me a sign that it is really you talking to me. 18 Please do not go away until I come back and bring my offering and set it before you." And the LORD said, "I will wait until you return."
19 Gideon went in, prepared a young goat, and from an ephah of flour he made bread without yeast. Putting the meat in a basket and its broth in a pot, he brought them out and offered them to him under the oak.
20 The angel of God said to him, "Take the meat and the unleavened bread, place them on this rock, and pour out the broth." And Gideon did so. 21 With the tip of the staff that was in his hand, the angel of the LORD touched the meat and the unleavened bread. Fire flared from the rock, consuming the meat and the bread. And the angel of the LORD disappeared. 22 When Gideon realized that it was the angel of the LORD, he exclaimed, "Ah, Sovereign LORD! I have seen the angel of the LORD face to face!"
23 But the LORD said to him, "Peace! Do not be afraid. You are not going to die." 24 So Gideon built an altar to the LORD there and called it The LORD is Peace.
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Dilige, et quod vis fac
“Dilige, et quod vis fac. "Love, and do what you want."
-St. Augustine of Hippo
“More than the virtue of faith, more than the virtue of hope, it is the virtue of charity that animates Christianity and governs the deeds of Christians.
It is possible to believe, and yet to act contrary to the things believed. It is possible to hope in Christ's promises, and yet to choose things that will make one's hope unfounded. Charity, which is divine love, works differently. If one's will is truly moved by love of God and love of neighbor for God's sake, he will not offend God. If his actions are directed by love, his actions are godly actions. Saint Augustine, in his commentaries on John's Epistles, writes Dilige, et quod vis fac, "Love, and do what you want."
At first sight, this seems a dangerous piece of advice. Numerous, after all, are the wicked things done in the name of "love." Augustine, though, is not talking about cheap, tawdry imitations of love: he is speaking of a love that desires God above all things and chooses the things of God; a love which treats our fellow men and women in the way that God has established, in a way that is subordinate to love of God and which flows from it.
It is possible to believe, and yet to act contrary to the things believed. It is possible to hope in Christ's promises, and yet to choose things that will make one's hope unfounded. Charity, which is divine love, works differently. If one's will is truly moved by love of God and love of neighbor for God's sake, he will not offend God. If his actions are directed by love, his actions are godly actions. Saint Augustine, in his commentaries on John's Epistles, writes Dilige, et quod vis fac, "Love, and do what you want."
At first sight, this seems a dangerous piece of advice. Numerous, after all, are the wicked things done in the name of "love." Augustine, though, is not talking about cheap, tawdry imitations of love: he is speaking of a love that desires God above all things and chooses the things of God; a love which treats our fellow men and women in the way that God has established, in a way that is subordinate to love of God and which flows from it.
Even noble loves can lose this priority: to the degree that they stray from the love of God, which is identical with His justice and His law, these loves lose the character of love and decay into pride, self-gratification, lust, greed, or the service of idols. To the degree that the love is truly divine charity, to that degree one's will is guided by the Spirit, and he may do as he pleases, knowing that his actions are guided by God's own will. Hence Augustine's command, Dilige, et quod vis fac.”
Friday, February 27, 2009
"If any one of you is without sin..."
Two very wise men had a lot to say regarding such issues. I summarize…
First, when faced with a similar situation Jesus told the crowd that had gathered,
“If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone…”
Matthew 7:1-2 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Luke 6:37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
I am confident when I say, the only difference between this man and the rest of us is that his secret is out. Think about yourself and shudder at the thought of the public knowing some of the things you have done. Things you hide in your heart.
Second, William Shakespeare wrote in "Hamlet", Act III, Sc.2, the play-within-the-play,
"The lady doth protest too much, methinks."
“Queen Gertrude speaks these famous words to her son, Prince Hamlet, while watching a play at court. Gertrude does not realize that Hamlet has staged this play to trap her and her new husband, King Claudius, whom Hamlet suspects of having murdered his father. She also does not realize that the lady who "doth protest too much" is actually herself, as the Player King and Queen represent King Hamlet and Queen Gertrude. Gertrude's statement is in response to the play-Queen's repetitive statements of loyalty and love for her now murdered first husband.”
I write this to all those self-righteous, holier-than-thou people out there that howl and cry with indignation to the top of there voices that such a terrible man could do such a terrible thing and have any chance what so ever of getting away with less than the most severe punishment possible. To those people I say, “Methinks thou protesteth too much”. It has been my experience in life that those who cry for blood the loudest are themselves hiding the most. Take a good look at yourself and be very careful what you wish for. Your secrets will out one day. On that day I fear for you.
Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
First, when faced with a similar situation Jesus told the crowd that had gathered,
“If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone…”
Matthew 7:1-2 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Luke 6:37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
I am confident when I say, the only difference between this man and the rest of us is that his secret is out. Think about yourself and shudder at the thought of the public knowing some of the things you have done. Things you hide in your heart.
Second, William Shakespeare wrote in "Hamlet", Act III, Sc.2, the play-within-the-play,
"The lady doth protest too much, methinks."
“Queen Gertrude speaks these famous words to her son, Prince Hamlet, while watching a play at court. Gertrude does not realize that Hamlet has staged this play to trap her and her new husband, King Claudius, whom Hamlet suspects of having murdered his father. She also does not realize that the lady who "doth protest too much" is actually herself, as the Player King and Queen represent King Hamlet and Queen Gertrude. Gertrude's statement is in response to the play-Queen's repetitive statements of loyalty and love for her now murdered first husband.”
I write this to all those self-righteous, holier-than-thou people out there that howl and cry with indignation to the top of there voices that such a terrible man could do such a terrible thing and have any chance what so ever of getting away with less than the most severe punishment possible. To those people I say, “Methinks thou protesteth too much”. It has been my experience in life that those who cry for blood the loudest are themselves hiding the most. Take a good look at yourself and be very careful what you wish for. Your secrets will out one day. On that day I fear for you.
Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Feel Like You Have No Control...?
When you feel like you have no control of your life God may not answer your prayers as you expect. But speaking from experience, I guarantee you that He knows you and your needs better than you do (Philippians 4:19). Trust Him.
Let this be a time when you draw nearer to God and to each other. You may look back one day and count this trial as a real blessing in your relationship with each other and with God. Thank God for what He is going to teach you about yourselves and about Him. “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).
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